No Regrets
by Supfan
Summary: I've gone through so much, but I have no regrets. I've made my fair share of mistakes, and now I pay for them, everday. I lost the one I love. Twilight oneshot told from Bella's point of view. Character death, but done in a tasteful manner. Takes place a


I stand on the outside, looking in, as I always have. It's almost silly how much the world takes for granted these days. Life's biggest miracles are distorted into seemingly insignificant passings that few take the time to notice. For example, the air that we breathe is simply oxygen to some: a necessary element that the world gives us to survive. (When I say "us" of course I mean you humans). But when I feel the air, lightly dancing across my skin, I think of magick; a magick so strong that it's impossible to comprehend at its limits.

We went to Alaska, as we had planned to, and I was bitten. That burning pain that filled my veins and flooded throughout my frail body had been the turning point for my future. Do I regret it? I've been asked that a multitude of times since that night, by the Cullens and others that have crossed my path, but I never could give a definitive answer. Regret is such a harsh and critical word, that I refuse to use it. I like to think that I could have made other decisions, or thought everything out a little more, but the past is in the past, where it will remain.

Anyway, I adjusted to the new senses and feelings quickly. My thirst for blood was a surprise that even I had not been prepared for, but I got used to it all the same. Edward and I, now married, were more in love than ever. We consummated our relationship while I was still human, but now, being joined together as one was so much more intimate because he no longer had to worry about breaking me.

My new family and I lived in peace, and happiness like this for almost 36 years, before we found a new family; a family who showed no respect for nature and cared for neither life or death. They were the beginning of our end. By this time, we'd moved out of Alaska, to a nice desert in Southern California, where I am now.

A war had erupted and it turns out that I was in the middle of it. By moving to Yucca Valley, California, we'd placed ourselves in the middle of a battle, in which we were given an ultimatum, one we should have paid more attention to. That was our first mistake.

We were told to pick a side, the ones who caused destruction, or the humans, who they needlessly fed upon at every possible moment. "And if we refuse to choose?" Alice's words still rang in my ears.

She said them out of spite more than in seriousness. When these new vampires had gave us our choices, we all knew who it was we'd choose. No way could we let innocent humans die and act like it was all right. That had been our second mistake.

And so we fought. The fight began and ended in one night. I'd fought with vigor and strength, happy just to be alongside my family, but I'd been reckless. I suppose what happened could be considered my fault. I have blamed myself many a time over the past 7 or so years since it happened.

Carlisle had explained to me what he'd seen. I'd been fighting with a female, long blonde hair flowing past her waist, and while distracted, another one of her family was sneaking up behind me, preparing to attack. Edward, always keeping the watchful eye on me, had seen. He pounced, ignoring those who he had been dealing with. The rest was a blur. I had spun around, only to see two vampires clawing and biting at Edward. Alice had tried to help, but soon both of them were in a mob, being massacred too quickly for anyone to do anything about it.

They both died that night. We'd run, not having any other choices, and could smell their bodies burning a hundred miles behind us. At first the realization didn't set in that my husband and sister in law were truly gone. I sat stone-faced often, showing no expression. The others worried about me, but I didn't care. It was much later, a few weeks perhaps, that I finally realized that Edward and Alice wouldn't be walking through the door into our home again. Then the tears came, and didn't stop for months.

Now, looking back, I'm not sure which was worse: the fact that Edward was gone, or the fact that I didn't o with him. My heart was wrenching through my chest over and over again until finally, I snapped.

When I was bitten, everyone had been anxious to see what powers I would gain. Edward had had his mind reading, and Alice had had her visions, but with my immunity to their power, they wanted to see what I could do. Quickly, we learned that I was stronger than anyone had thought possible. I could do great and terrible things, but it was difficult to control, so I'd made a promise to Edward that I wouldn't use them, out of safety for everyone else. When Edward died, my promise died with him.

In the middle of the night, I'd left our new home in Louisiana, without telling anyone else. I'd gone straight back to Yucca Valley, with great speed, and extracted my revenge.

Lightning struck all around this evil family and me. Fire combusted from nowhere, burning the dry bushes brightly, even as the rain began pouring. I smiled a cruel smile, knowing how much damage I was causing, but not caring. I was a goddess. I was Mother Nature herself, sent to punish the wicked. They'd all died in flames, my powers summoning a wind, to lift their ashes and scatter them in the winds.

The power flamed inside me, so strong that I collapsed, feeling a heavy weight in my chest. I had killed those who had taken away those I'd loved most, and yet I felt no better. I still had the anger bubbling in me, but dizziness clouded my system and I passed out.

When I woke, I was in the home of a human. He'd found me lying in the woods, near the fire, and had brought me back, but had waited to call for help until I'd woken. "Your lucky I found you. Who knows what would have happened to you out there. There's been a bunch of disappearances in the area. You could have been next!" He was beautiful, and quite young I noted by his features.

What happened next was quite unfortunate. It had been a while since I fed, and I could feel the hunger within me stronger than any other feeling or emotion I'd ever felt in my life. It was undeniable, and I knew it would not just go away in time. "I-I" I choked. He stepped closer, and in a swift movement, I lunged. My teeth sank into the nape of his neck. He resisted slightly at first, but soon submitted, making no noise whatsoever.

Since that day, I have refused to go home. The shame I felt at taking a life was overbearing, and to face the Cullens would be a nightmare. Rather than leave the man that way, I turned him. I had felt sorry for him, and thought that maybe turning him would have been a wiser choice. Now, I have a companion.

He is no Edward, but he is sweet and compassionate, and shows love to me like my old family did. I maintain that I have no regrets, but I like to think back about the choices I made after high school, after my marriage, and consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe things could have been different.

I've made mistakes, and I've paid for them a thousand times over. Regret is a disease that I refuse to let seep into me. I went from Bella Swan, to Bella Cullen, and I cherish every memory, but now I am Bella. Just Bella.


End file.
